We’ve just entered the “real world” of competitive youth sports. My daughter, Blake, has joined a club soccer team that plays tournaments around Southern California. And they play to win. Moving from a rec league, with a more relaxed environment where the main goal is playing with friends, to a club team, with good players who are competitive, has been a significant shift. They keep score. The teams that win, move on. And not everyone gets equal playing time.
As the newest member of the team, she is behind the other girls in her skill level and performance. She has some work to do if she wants to earn playing time on this strong team, but she has taken on the challenge. In addition to club practices each week, she’s mapped out a calendar of extra work to get quicker, fitter, and more skilled. I’ve been proud of how she’s started putting in extra work. She has improved a lot in two weeks, and she has enjoyed seeing herself progress.
Despite this hard work and extra time, I’m afraid there’s been very little recognition of that by her coaches. But I will tell you, that’s not their fault. Blake has been working hard in her additional training sessions, but when she shows up to practice or a game, she still shows up timidly. She hasn’t been sprinting to be first in line, raising her hand to volunteer for a drill, or playing aggressively, like she mostly does in her own training sessions. In the games, she still looks a little lost and lacks confidence in what to do. As her parents, we know the skill and speed are there, but her coaches still don’t know that.
She sees herself as someone who’s made progress. She’s feeling fitter, stronger, and more skilled. But playing time is based on what her coaches can see. What I keep asking her is:
“Do you know what your coaches are seeing?”
One of the hardest transitions in leadership is realizing your own perception of your work ethic is different than others’ views of your performance. Coaches don’t reward the player who trained the hardest, they reward the player who demonstrates she can help the team win. In our careers, sponsors make the same decision of whether or not to advocate for us. They’re not evaluating effort. They’re evaluating confidence, judgment, and readiness under pressure.
People can’t sponsor potential they haven’t experienced.
As with a youth sports coach, if your potential sponsor sees you working hard and improving in your current role, they will be happy to have you stay in that supporting role. To change their perception of your capabilities, you have to show them more. Where do you have opportunities to showcase your thinking, your confidence, your capabilities?
As I’ve coached Blake through this transition, I’ve realized the advice I’m giving her isn’t just about soccer. It’s the same advice I’d give a leader who wants someone to bet on them:
| Soccer | Leadership |
| Know the drill | Understand what matters to leaders |
| Ask questions | Demonstrate strategic thinking |
| Play aggressively | Step into visible opportunities |
| Master fundamentals | Build unquestioned credibility |
As you think about the right side of this table, consider who might be able to support you in your career or give you that next big opportunity at an expanded role.
Ask yourself, “What evidence am I giving my potential sponsor?”
1. Learn how you are being evaluated (i.e. what matters to the sponsor).
Every leader has different things they value, such as strategic thinking, influence, decision-making speed or capability, developing people, or navigating ambiguity. What themes do you hear most often from your potential sponsor, and how can you highlight those capabilities when you communicate with them? If you don’t know what your leaders are looking for, you may spend a lot of energy proving the wrong things.
2. Show how you think, not just what you can do.
Your sponsor is already evaluating whether you are worth investing in. Delivering great work won’t make them choose you over someone else. As you deliver, explain your reasoning, your tradeoffs, what risks you are seeking to mitigate, and how you are developing other leaders along the way. Give them the full picture of your strategic thinking so they know you can repeat these successes.
3. Step into moments that feel uncomfortable.
My daughter struggles to jump out in front of others to start a drill, or be the first on the field to start practicing. Show them you’re ready to lead. Volunteer to own something important. Present in front of the leadership team. Speak first. My daughter’s coaches aren’t looking for her to be perfect, they are looking for her to show she is ready.
4. Give them comfort in the choice to support you.
A soccer coach is risking a game by putting in a player. A sponsor is similarly risking their reputation by supporting you. Every interaction either increases or decreases a sponsor’s confidence in you. Meet commitments. Follow through. Respond well under pressure. Make it easier for them to believe you’ll succeed in a bigger role.
None of this replaces the hard work that happens when no one is watching. If Blake skipped extra training, she wouldn’t develop the abilities her coaches need to see. But if you aren’t considering whose support you need to meet your goals, you might be missing the chance to demonstrate those capabilities and gain that support.
Blake has become fitter, stronger, and more skilled. Now, her job is to help her coaches see it. And just like a youth sports coach, a sponsor can only put you in the game if you show them what you are capable of.
Before you ask why the next opportunity hasn’t come your way, ask yourself one question:
What does my coach see?
Effort develops your capability, but demonstrated readiness gives someone the confidence to bet on you.
About The Author
Robert Seymour: Partner & COO, Signature Leaders
Rob is a strong business operator with a passion for advancing women in leadership. This passion stems from watching Carol’s career evolve and observing the challenges that his wife faced, and others still face, as women advancing in their careers.
Carol’s unique approach to addressing these challenges, focused on providing the highest quality development experiences, compelled Rob to join Signature Leaders.
As Partner and COO of Signature Leaders, Rob drives operations, sales and marketing strategy, content development, and strategic initiatives. Rob oversees the team members at Signature Leaders responsible for program delivery and the Signature Collective, which focuses on alumni engagement. He manages about a dozen of Signature Leaders’ strategic client accounts, and he builds new offerings to meet the needs of all Signature clients. He also writes for Signature’s blog, and he edited and managed the production of Carol’s first book, Wisdom Warriors: Journeys Through Leadership and Life, which provides candid stories from over 70 accomplished business leaders, who share their hard-earned experiences to benefit the leaders rising through the ranks behind them.
In 2013, Rob began serving as the CFO for Signature Leaders while working full time as a Manager in Accenture’s Health practice. As a management consultant, Rob navigated clients through process and organizational changes during large-scale technology transformations.
Rob earned a BS in Economics from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, where he pitched for Penn’s Varsity Baseball Team for four years. He and his wife, Michelle, live in Los Angeles with their daughter (Blake) and son (Bowen). Rob enjoys coaching sports for his children’s teams, playing golf, finding ways to stay fit, and taking on new challenges in the form of home improvement projects.
