The Moment the Script Dropped
I recently bought a car from a young salesman who had, clearly, been trained well. He used all the right phrases: “to be completely honest with you…,” “trust me, if I were in your situation…,” “honestly…” Yet the more he said them, the less I trusted him.
The day before I went to the dealership, we had spoken on the phone and I was clear about what I wanted. I was looking for a quick and easy experience. I had done my research―I wasn’t interested in extended warranties or add-ons―and I was ready to make the deal. It’s probably not surprising―that isn’t what happened. The conversation drifted toward payments instead of price, the process stretched far longer than necessary, and despite my earlier clarity, the extended warranty and add-on packages made their appearance anyway.
He kept using language meant to build trust, but his words and actions weren’t aligned. Trust dropped quickly.
The Performance of Trust
There’s a difference between being trustworthy and performing trustworthiness. Saying “honestly” doesn’t create honesty, and declaring “trust me” doesn’t create trust. Labeling yourself as “transparent” doesn’t make you so. Trust isn’t built through signaling―it’s built through alignment, when what we say and how we show up are consistent and real.
When someone says one thing but behaves another way, people don’t stop to analyze it. They feel it. Something is off. At one point, I told him I was considering leaving. I even used the word “gross” to describe how the situation felt.
Then something shifted. His tone changed, the rehearsed phrasing disappeared, and the persuasive tactics softened. He became straightforward and clear. In other words, the script dropped. With that shift, I made the deal I had originally intended to make. Trust started to rebuild, the moment the performance ended.
The Scripts We Run
That experience has stayed with me, not because of the car, but because of what it reveals about leadership.
Leaders run scripts too, especially during change. We overexplain decisions, over qualify risk, and repeat words like “transparent,” “aligned,” and “collaborative,” believing clarity comes from emphasis. But when the process isn’t aligned―when behavior doesn’t match the message, or when actions feel even slightly self-protective―people don’t believe the words. They feel the gap.
Often, those gaps don’t come from a lack of capability. They come from defaulting to habits we’ve acquired over time. These are ways of speaking or showing up that once served us, but now run automatically. Especially in moments of pressure, it’s easy to rely on what we’ve learned instead of leading with intention.
The risk isn’t always obvious. It’s subtle, quiet, and cumulative. Trust doesn’t erode because leaders make difficult decisions. It erodes when leaders don’t consider their own alignment between their words and their actions. If a leader says a company restructure will not impact the team, then makes sweeping policy or staffing changes, that misalignment causes mistrust. Trust grows when leaders take the time to align how they think, communicate, and act―especially when it’s difficult.
This is where it connects more deeply. When leaders are clear on how they lead at their best―when they are grounded in their unique leadership signature―they show up with a level of authenticity that removes the need for borrowed language or rehearsed approaches. Their presence, decisions, and communication come from a place that is consistent and real.
Dropping the Script
What ultimately built trust in my car-buying experience wasn’t a better pitch. It was clarity and authenticity without performance.
As leaders, especially those who have invested deeply in their development, executive presence, and communication, it’s worth asking where we might still be running a script. Where might we be compensating with language instead of alignment? Where might we be mistaking messaging for connection?
The most powerful leadership move isn’t better messaging. It’s awareness. Awareness of how we’re being perceived, where our motivations may be shaping our tone, and when our scripts are louder than our reputation.
Trust isn’t built when we sound trustworthy. It’s built when our words and actions tell the same story in a way that feels genuine and authentic to the people around us. Sometimes we think we’re being strategic when we’re actually being unclear, and our teams can feel the difference. Sometimes, the moment trust begins to build is the moment the script drops.
What scripts might you be running without realizing it?
About the Author
Carrie Carpenter – Senior Director, Content and Partnership Development
Joining Signature Leaders in February of 2022, Carrie brings with her over a decade of learning and development experience, as well as a passion for fostering authentic, trusting business relationships. As Senior Director for Content and Partnership Development, Carrie drives content creation efforts at Signature Leaders for new offerings and alumni programs.
Prior to coming on board with Signature Leaders, Carrie most recently served in a variety of roles for the Sales Learning and Development team at Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Her responsibilities included managing a training team, leading training efforts for the Client Development and Client Management teams and coordinating and developing content for large-scale sales conferences and events. Carrie has a genuine enthusiasm and commitment toward championing others’ successes.
Carrie was born and raised in the greater Cincinnati area. She received her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Morehead State University and her Master of Science in Industrial/Organizational Psychology from Northern Kentucky University. Carrie is a holistic health enthusiast and enjoys time at the gym, cooking nutritious meals, and focusing on a mental and spiritual growth mindset. She also savors any opportunity to spend time with family and friends. Carrie is an amateur globetrotter, always seeking a new adventure and a chance to experience other cultures and cuisines. She enjoys being outdoors in the sunshine and is also an avid college football fan.
