I had an eye-opening realization recently: my life might look very different if, about 15 years ago, a friend hadn’t encouraged me to do something I wasn’t sure I was ready to do.
I was a sophomore in college and had casually shared with my sorority “big sister,” Elizabeth, that my mom had been president of her chapter of our sorority. Maybe, I told her, I’d like to be president of ours one day, too.
There was just one problem: I didn’t realize what it took to get there. Elizabeth did.
To be eligible for president, I first needed to serve on the executive board. Because officer terms followed the calendar year, if I wanted to serve as president during my junior year, I needed to put my name forward for an executive position right then, as a sophomore. Elizabeth encouraged me to do it. She told me I had what it took and that our chapter needed me to step up and serve. And she didn’t just encourage me from the sidelines. She put her name forward for another executive position, too. We would do it together. I put my name on the slate, was elected to the executive board, and a year later became president of our chapter.
At the time, it felt like a college experience―an opportunity to lead, learn, and do something I had hoped to do. Looking back now, I can see it was much more than that.
The path we can’t see yet.
After college, I was hired into a leadership development program at a Fortune 50 company. The leadership experience I gained in college helped position me for that first opportunity; it gave me stories to share, lessons to draw from, and perhaps, even some confidence that I could lead.
Today, about 15 years after that conversation with Elizabeth, I work in leadership development. I’ve spent the past nine years helping leaders grow and understand the impact they can have on others and their organizations. When I trace that path backward, one of the earliest turns leads right back to that conversation. Elizabeth knew something I didn’t know about the path ahead. More importantly, she saw something in me that I wasn’t yet sure I saw in myself. And she said it out loud.
I borrowed some of Elizabeth’s confidence in me before I had enough of my own.
Her belief gave me the courage to raise my hand and try. Eventually, that confidence became mine, but it began with someone else seeing the possibility first.
Elizabeth is still one of my best friends today. I’m not sure she knew then what her encouragement would mean to me, or where it might eventually lead. I’m not sure either of us could have.
And maybe that’s the point.
What might stand in the balance?
How often do we see something in someone and never tell them? A direct report who is capable of more, a peer with a gift they underestimate, an early-career colleague with the potential to lead, or a friend who would be great at something they haven’t considered. We notice these things, but do we say them out loud?
We can’t know what might stand in the balance of those words: You’d be really good at this; I see this strength in you; You’re ready; You can do this.
Sometimes another person sees our potential before we can see it ourselves. For a while, we may need to borrow their confidence until we build enough of our own―that borrowed confidence can be enough to take a step we might not have taken otherwise―and one step can lead to another, until years later, we realize just how much that first step mattered.
Say it out loud.
As leaders, we spend a lot of time thinking about how to develop people. We give feedback, create opportunities, coach, set goals, and talk about what comes next. But maybe one of the simplest things we can do is also one of the most powerful: tell people what we see in them.
That matters, especially in a time when career paths, roles, and expectations are changing quickly. We may not be able to give someone certainty about the path ahead, but we can give them confidence in their ability to navigate it. We can remind them of the strengths they already have, and why we believe they’re ready for what comes next.
When I think about what Elizabeth did for me, it wasn’t simply telling me, “You can do it.” She told me what she saw in me. She helped me see a next step I didn’t know was there, and then she stepped forward with me.
It’s easy to underestimate the influence we can have on someone else’s confidence. A few encouraging words may become something they carry for years; they may give someone the courage to raise their hand, pursue an opportunity, or see something in themselves they hadn’t seen before.
So, when we see something in someone, let’s be intentional and say it. Let them borrow a little of our confidence until they have enough of their own.
We may never know what stands in the balance of those words.
But 15 years later, I do.
About the Author
Kate Bryja: Vice President, Marketing and Sales Operations, Signature Leaders
Kate is a dynamic leader passionate about fostering meaningful connections and empowering others. She thrives on building smart, efficient processes and cultivating an environment where people feel supported, inspired, and equipped to succeed. Through her work at Signature Leaders, Kate drives strategic initiatives that elevate the brand, strengthen partnerships, and advance leadership development.
As Vice President of Marketing and Sales Operations, Kate fuels business growth by leading brand development, optimizing processes, and equipping the sales team for success. She played a pivotal role in launching the Signature Alumni Network, now a global community of 4,000+ leaders, and has led teams through streamlining operations, enhancing the Signature experience, and cultivating key partnerships. As a member of Signature’s Executive Leadership Team, she helps drive community engagement and ensures an exceptional experience for participants, alumni, and buyers.
She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing from Georgia College & State University and remains actively involved as a Young Alumni Council member. Committed to investing in others, Kate volunteers with UpStreet (Kindergarten Kids) at church and serves on the Advisory Board for the Zeta Iota Chapter of Alpha Delta Pi.
Kate lives in Atlanta, GA, with her husband, Jim, and their dog, Bonnie.
