Have you ever had to lead someone through an uncomfortable change or situation? It has been said that the only constant in life is change, and through a dozen years of working closely with executive leaders, it seems that the pace of that change continues to increase. Leaders are continuously asked to drive change, manage change, be a change agent, or lead others through change. But how can you do that if you are also out of your comfort zone?
Last weekend, I tagged along to KCON LA (Korean Culture Convention) with my daughter, Blake, after being invited by my friend and his two girls, who Blake goes to school with. I’m pretty new to the K-Pop scene, but I love the catchy songs and the performances―the performers really bring the energy! That said, I felt a bit out of place at this event, not knowing a single artist, or most of the brands that had booths at the convention.
On the way there, I was talking to my friend about the new movie, “KPop Demon Hunters,” (which if you haven’t seen it, you should definitely watch it,) while the girls were singing along to the soundtrack in the back seat. Blake was in her element, singing and dancing in her seat and laughing with her friends. But once we arrived, she became more nervous and began sticking close to me. As we entered the LA Convention Center, we headed up the escalators and into the main room where there were booths and stages. We went straight to the Dance Stage where the people on the dance floor were learning one of the performer’s dances, taught by an instructor on stage. The girl who had just been belting out the lyrics to “Golden” (again, watch KPop Demon Hunters and you’ll get it) in the car, now wouldn’t take a step away from me to sing or dance with her friends. I tried to encourage her, and told her I would do it with her. I let her know that I was nervous as well―that I’m not a great dancer―but I would try to do the moves with her if she wanted. Nothing I said or did could get her into her comfort zone. I had to bring her around with me, almost tripping over her as she tried to stay as close as possible to me.
In taking her with me to KCON, I was creating an opportunity for her to experience something new, and it was my job to lead her through that and give her comfort and confidence along the way. The problem was, it was new for me too. As leaders, I think we end up in this situation more often than we’d like to admit―leading people into the unknown. There are a few things that I try to do as a leader in these situations (that I now know to apply to my daughter next time, too):
- Acknowledge Your Own Uncertainty. Other people, and especially your own kids, can see right through you when you aren’t being authentic. This is an extension of what we talk about at Signature Leaders as the foundation for leaders: authenticity. At the dancing lesson, I did acknowledge to Blake that I was uncomfortable and wasn’t sure if I would be able to do the moves. I wanted to let her know it was okay to be uncertain and that we could figure it out together.
- Get in the Trenches. Telling people to change while being hesitant to take the first steps with them will never work. The leaders people admire are the ones who can get in the trenches with them, admit when things aren’t going well, and commit to working together to make them better. I went with Blake to each booth and performance, staying by her side and looking to point out where she could have some fun. I wanted her to know that I was going to be with her the whole way, and that we would find a way to have fun together.
- Create a Safe Space for (and Celebrate) Mistakes. One of the messages I give to Blake often is to ask her, “Have you ever done this before?” I ask this when I know the answer is “No” because my point is to tell her, “Then why do you expect to be perfect at it?” When going through a change, it is not enough to create a safe space where people don’t get “in trouble” for making mistakes. You have to celebrate mistakes and remind people that they are learning.
- Model Calm Leadership. As a leader, you set the direction for the team. If you make small things into big things, they will become big things. You have to be the steady navigator in rough waters. To brag a little bit, this is one of my gifts, and I would break my approach down into a couple key things. For me, I remember how my work does not define my life. My family and my relationships with them define that for me. This helps me keep perspective and avoid letting anything related to work get blown out of proportion. I’m not in a business that is truly life-or-death, so I treat it accordingly. For others, I always focus on the person first. I work with smart, honest, hard-working people―and yet, they are people. They will make mistakes. They will get emotional. They won’t always agree with me. But I care about the people more than I care about the work, and I always aim to separate the two. Keeping this perspective helps me stay grounded in what is important and prioritize the right things in difficult situations.
As Blake and I walked around the convention, I pointed out some different fun things we could do, like checking out the performances and the booths, and finally, getting some food. As we made our way around, talking and joking like we normally do, she began to loosen up. By the time we were standing in line for some free swag at one of the vendors, she was constantly dancing to her own music and doing moves like what we had seen on stage. For the rest of the night, she was her usual fun, cute, dancing self, with no inhibitions. It could have been the sugar from the Sprite she had with dinner, but she had clearly gotten back into her comfort zone, despite a new environment.
If you want to lead people through a change, get in the trenches with them, find ways to celebrate their mistakes, and stay authentic, yet calm. And don’t forget that sometimes, people just get hangry, so don’t forget the snacks and the sodas.
About The Author
Robert Seymour: Partner & COO, Signature Leaders
Rob is a strong business operator with a passion for advancing women in leadership. This passion stems from watching Carol’s career evolve and observing the challenges that his wife faced, and others still face, as women advancing in their careers.
Carol’s unique approach to addressing these challenges, focused on providing the highest quality development experiences, compelled Rob to join Signature Leaders.
As Partner and COO of Signature Leaders, Rob drives operations, sales and marketing strategy, content development, and strategic initiatives. Rob oversees the team members at Signature Leaders responsible for program delivery and the Signature Collective, which focuses on alumni engagement. He manages about a dozen of Signature Leaders’ strategic client accounts, and he builds new offerings to meet the needs of all Signature clients. He also writes for Signature’s blog, and he edited and managed the production of Carol’s first book, Wisdom Warriors: Journeys Through Leadership and Life, which provides candid stories from over 70 accomplished business leaders, who share their hard-earned experiences to benefit the leaders rising through the ranks behind them.
In 2013, Rob began serving as the CFO for Signature Leaders while working full time as a Manager in Accenture’s Health practice. As a management consultant, Rob navigated clients through process and organizational changes during large-scale technology transformations.
Rob earned a BS in Economics from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, where he pitched for Penn’s Varsity Baseball Team for four years. He and his wife, Michelle, live in Los Angeles with their daughter (Blake) and son (Bowen). Rob enjoys coaching sports for his children’s teams, playing golf, finding ways to stay fit, and taking on new challenges in the form of home improvement projects.
