Do you ever look around and think, “Why is no one telling me like it is? Why don’t I hear about challenges before they become big issues? If I did, I could probably help us avoid some of these things!”
Getting the information you need is a two-way street that requires understanding and trust. These need to be in place before corrections to approaches or processes can take place.
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I have two kids, and they have very different personalities. My son is game for anything, but he wants to win at everything he does. When he loses, he gets really upset―to him, there is nothing more important than today’s result. My daughter does not want to try anything, unless she is sure that she can be good at it. However, once she starts, whether she wins or loses doesn’t matter as much―she just has fun playing. Both approaches have their benefits, and both have drawbacks.
For my daughter, I’m constantly encouraging her to try. Just try this food, you might like it. Just try the zipline, you might have fun. Just try this math problem, you can solve it! Getting her to accept the challenge is half the battle.
For my son, I’m constantly telling him, “Losing is learning.” You can’t get better if you don’t lose sometimes. Helping him recognize that the result doesn’t matter as much as the experience is the other half of the battle.
Fortunately for me, children are open books. My daughter tells me she’s too scared to try something. My son gets emotional when he loses. I can see, right there on their faces or through their words, what it is that’s holding them back―and then we can begin to address it.
As leaders, we are dealing with adults who are much more adept at hiding their feelings (most of them, anyway). They are also being rewarded and recognized based on their successes, so failure can feel like it has a much higher cost. Some people will avoid doing something if they think they might fail―others may try to cover up mistakes when they happen, hoping no one will notice. So, what can we do to help motivate and encourage our teams to try new things, and when necessary, to find the good―the learning―in their “failures”?
In short, we can build trust. We are all aiming to run high-performing teams, but the #1 reason teams fail is a lack of trust (per the McKinsey Quarterly article, “How leaders can tap the power of vulnerability”).
If you have someone whose approach is like my daughter’s, they may avoid new challenges, or continue to ignore some of their responsibilities, because they fear failure. You’ll have to recognize the signs because, unlike my daughter, they likely won’t tell you directly that they are scared, or why they don’t want to do it. You must first diagnose the problem, and for this, I love how Tracy Spears, a Signature Leaders faculty member and Co-founder of The Leader Lab, teaches us to handle it―she asks, “Are they a ‘can’t’ or a ‘won’t’?”
If someone is a can’t, they don’t know how to do what you are asking, but they may be afraid to say so. They might think they should already know, and they aren’t sure how to get help. A can’t simply needs training. If someone is a won’t, they just don’t want to do what you are asking, and no amount of training is going to change that. Sometimes, a direct conversation about why they won’t will create alignment or lead them to change. If nothing is resolved, you have to determine if you can pivot their role in some way to remove that responsibility, or if they are not the right fit for the role.
If you have someone whose approach is like my son’s, they may not be able to find the value―or silver lining―in failure. This can lead to hiding their mistakes, thereby eliminating opportunities for learning or process improvement. As a leader, you can role model with vulnerability the value of failures by openly sharing your own examples and how/what you learned from them. You can give them the benefit of the doubt that they had good intentions. Everyone makes mistakes―most of us make them daily. Most of us are trying our best to do everything right, and deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt and grace when we make mistakes. Extending such trust to others builds trust in the relationship, and the opposite is true, too. If every time we made a mistake, we had to hear about it from someone―or worse, from multiple people―would we avoid taking chances and possibly making mistakes? No. But we would hide them.
I don’t have a study to reference here, but in my experience, 99% of mistakes are fixable. Very few are “make or break” mistakes, and those 1% that are require your attention and a serious conversation. The rest? They require your patience. If you address mistakes with understanding, empathy, and a problem-solving mindset, people will bring them to you earlier and earlier (when they’re still fixable!).
When I think about the responsibilities of a leader, I think about removing roadblocks and solving problems as two essential components. There is information you need to get to be successful, and to do this well, I think there are two key elements that people miss: 1) you are only going to get the information you ask for; and 2) you are only going to get important information if you have built trust within your team. As leaders, this means we must delicately balance skepticism and trust―we must ask the hard questions to help root out and avoid risks, but we also must trust our team to handle their own work and responsibilities.
Building trust is a cycle, and it requires consistency in how you manage your own emotions as you deal with challenges. When someone brings you a mistake, there is nothing you can do in that moment to change what happened―all you can do is help them take the best next step. When you remain calm and focused on problem-solving (the future, not the past), you create a culture where mistakes are brought forth and fixed. If you need to dissect the reason for the error, do it after the problem is solved and the emotion of making the mistake has subsided. Not only will you be more level-headed, but the person to whom you are giving the feedback will be more receptive. Once they’ve seen that the problem was fixed, they will feel safe again. Creating that safety will allow them to receive the feedback and make the change that is needed to avoid a recurrence of the mistake.
If you want to lead a high-performing team, you must build trust and understanding together. Learn about your team and how they think. Do you have people who don’t step up for fear of failure? Do you have a culture where failure is shamed, so people tend to hide it? Calmly remove the roadblocks and solve the problems, then you can focus on correcting approaches or processes. When you can create an environment where your team feels safe to admit their mistakes, you can course correct while they are still small issues instead of big risks. Then your team will be more willing to try new things, take on new challenges, explore possibilities, knowing that every outcome will be an opportunity for improvement, no matter what.
About The Author
Robert Seymour: Partner & COO, Signature Leaders
Rob is a strong business operator with a passion for advancing women in leadership. This passion stems from watching Carol’s career evolve and observing the challenges that his wife faced, and others still face, as women advancing in their careers.
Carol’s unique approach to addressing these challenges, focused on providing the highest quality development experiences, compelled Rob to join Signature Leaders.
As Partner and COO of Signature Leaders, Rob drives operations, sales and marketing strategy, content development, and strategic initiatives. Rob oversees the team members at Signature Leaders responsible for program delivery and the Signature Collective, which focuses on alumni engagement. He manages about a dozen of Signature Leaders’ strategic client accounts, and he builds new offerings to meet the needs of all Signature clients. He also writes for Signature’s blog, and he edited and managed the production of Carol’s first book, Wisdom Warriors: Journeys Through Leadership and Life, which provides candid stories from over 70 accomplished business leaders, who share their hard-earned experiences to benefit the leaders rising through the ranks behind them.
In 2013, Rob began serving as the CFO for Signature Leaders while working full time as a Manager in Accenture’s Health practice. As a management consultant, Rob navigated clients through process and organizational changes during large-scale technology transformations.
Rob earned a BS in Economics from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, where he pitched for Penn’s Varsity Baseball Team for four years. He and his wife, Michelle, live in Los Angeles with their daughter (Blake) and son (Bowen). Rob enjoys coaching sports for his children’s teams, playing golf, finding ways to stay fit, and taking on new challenges in the form of home improvement projects.
