Special Guest: Elena French
Pinned to the side of my desk is a list with five names. Over the years, it’s had seven names, or three—always about “a handful”—and new names rotate on as old names come off, about every six months to a year, when things go well. And for that time, while they’re there on my wall, those names—those people—are the focus of a personal investment I call my “hug strategy.”
While most of us appreciate the importance of relationships to our career success, many find it challenging to be intentional when it comes to this critical area of growth and development. Especially when it comes to building strong relationships at work with difficult people, even when we know they are important to our own advancement.
That’s where the hug strategy comes in.
As part of my personal career development plan, I start with a list of three types of people:
- Those I need to get to know because they can teach me something that will help me grow in my current role or prepare for my next one. This can be a technical skill or leadership skills refined through mentorship, and often these people are peers or more senior leaders.
- Colleagues I’m working with today, with whom a better or closer relationship would increase our mutual success.
- The people whose mere names on an email chain elicit a growl… or a cringe… when they join a meeting. We all have these relationships in the workplace. For often unexplored or irrational reasons, we don’t like them, we don’t trust them, and the last thing we want to do is invite them to lunch, never mind to join a project team for an important project we’re leading.
Once I have my list, I prioritize it to a handful of relationships that I know, if enhanced, will make my current work easier or more effective, help increase my visibility, challenge me in all the right ways, and help propel me, and my organization, to greater things. And at least one name on that list is from the above group #3.
Then the hard work begins.
Each person gets a plan, which includes things like regular check-ins, invitations to lunch on my dime, notes to celebrate birthdays and career milestones, personal thank-yous, and sharing of things like articles, blogs, or podcasts that I know they’d find valuable to their work.
I call it a hug strategy because a hug feels good to most of us. It’s proactive. Something that we want to do. Authentically building strong relationships at work implies caring and positive intent. It’s meant to show someone that we’re in their corner, we’ve got their back, and we’re ok with a relationship that’s more than superficial. A hug is also something that we do willingly because we know that we will both feel better as a result.
When I joined my last company, there was a senior Human Resources executive who seemingly set herself up as my biggest critic. I would come with ideas, and she would attack my questionable use of commas. I would talk strategy, and she would wonder why it was done as a word document instead of PowerPoint. She was tough, and I added her to my list. I found opportunities to align with her in meetings. I complimented her when she wasn’t in the room, knowing she would hear about my endorsements. I asked her to review my documents (and all those pesky commas) before sharing ideas more broadly. Over time, those small actions served to knock down walls and build trust for both of us. Last year, I was sad to see her retire, and I count her among my most respected and appreciated colleagues ever.
As a final step, I reflect frequently on the progress I’ve made with my list. When I can look at a name and smile, knowing that I’d happily take that person to lunch or invite them to join a team project—and that the sentiment is reciprocated—they come off my hug strategy, and someone else goes on. Because there are always relationships to be built, improved, and nurtured, and having a hug strategy is a great first step to owning it and making it happen!
About the Author
Elena French: Marketing, Communications and Brand Expert
Elena French is an award-winning marketing and communications leader with close to 30 years of experience leading high-performing teams and helping large companies differentiate themselves in the highly-competitive telecommunications, pharmaceutical and financial services industries.
Most recently, Elena served as head of corporate marketing and brand strategy for Lincoln Financial Group, where she oversaw the company’s corporate advertising, brand, consumer insights, communications, social media and corporate sponsorships initiatives, including the company’s naming rights sponsorship of the Philadelphia Eagles’ home stadium, Lincoln Financial Group. She is a passionate people leader, and in 2021, she was named a Profiles in Diversity Journal ® Woman Worth Watching in Leadership.
